Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Another year down a new one about to begin

I paid for another year of registration. Makes you look back over this last year. I can't believe I've been MIA for 6 months - half of the goddamn year paid for that I didn't get to utilize. STUPID health issues. Grrrr it makes me so angry. It's put me into such a bad place financially. I hate fighting with hubby about money. We see finances so differently. I mainly avoid. I hate conflict. I'm not very good at it - hubby seems to think that I enjoy fighting. NOT so much!!! I try to avoid it at all costs - especially with hubby. His mom not so much, if she's going to pick a fight with  me I'm not about to back down. The only time I do is at hubby's behest.

I  tried calling Oc health today - no response. I don't understand what's taking so bloody long. It really isn't a hard issue or one that needs so many meetings. I JUST WANT TO GO BACK TO WORK!!!! I really really don't understand why they're making it so hard for someone to go back to work who wants to actually work. They're making me prove over and over that I'm capable of it yet not letting me get back to it once I do. These stupid hoops are rediculous!

The only good thing about me being off was being off over the holidays and being to go see my family and hang with them. I looooooooved seeing my son. He was actually decently behaved this time and only really tested me once. I "made" him take his ADHD medication one day - told him I couldn't handle his "ADHD attitude" and his "teenager attitude" at the same time and that if I could medicate the teenager one I would but since there isn't a med that can tame that ugly beast he had to put up with medicating the one that could be. He took his med and 45 minutes later everything was right in the world once more!

We got in lots of family time. I even got to see him play 2 hockey games. He got his first "gordy howe hat trick" - a goal, an assist and a penalty. I was very proud of him (he didn't really deserve the penalty but meh I'm not about to become a hockey mom because of it). They won that game 9:2.... it was an AWESOME game. The second game he didn't get anything but damn did he play well. Their team won that game as well... 5:2 - And my dad, brother, SIL and little & big nephews were there so it was a blessed game and we all enjoyed ourself thoroughly.

I got to see my bestie - wish I could have a bit more but her darling 9 wk old darling wouldn't quite allow us to. Such a pity, I love that gal and her darling bitty to bits. I felt so bad for bestie when her darling wouldn't settle, it's rough when the person you love suffers and there isn't anything you can do to help. I hate feeling helpless and watching my bestie feel helpless as well. It's rough.

I always love going home. There's something to be said about going to your childhood home and being able to relish all the good memories. To spend a night in your "old bedroom". But there's something also to be said about coming back home and sleeping in your own bed. I enjoyed my time there but I'm glad to be back here. Going up there was the scariest drive in the 4.5 yrs I've been living in the south. I went when the ice storm came through and it made for some seriously dangerous driving. I never want to do it again. Man I hope I never experience that again. Honestly, if a situation like that ever happens again, I'll fly instead. Oh goodness I can't wait to move to a place like Texas or somewhere similar when the temps are so much warmer than freezing this time of year!!! Where I could be going swimming in my backyard pool instead of skating on it!

Monday, December 23, 2013

Coming home & Honor society

Home sweet home - nothing like it. Being able to hug your mama and be in your childhood home. It's awesome. The little tyke was AMAZED with the christmas tree (we haven't had one for two years) and especially with all the presents around it. Makes my heart swell. THIS is what I want for Eid. I just wish I wasn't the only one or that I had to be the only one trying to pull it all together.

The drive here was HORRENDOUS! It was the scariest drive in the 4 1/2 years that I've lived away from home and driving here during the holidays. It was slushy and yucky for about 2 hrs and I white knuckled through it. I also prayed the ENTIRE 2 hours! Not kidding either. There was several times that I thought I was going to crash. Only by the mercy and grace of God almighty did I make here safe and alive.

Hubby didn't come with. He's too new at the new job and wasn't able to get any time off and so it made more sense for me to come by myself. I miss him, don't miss the arguing over Christmas though.

He called me this morning. Unusual for him, he usually waits until a bit later. WHY did he call???

I was formally invited into the honor society by my university (don't know exactly which one yet because I didn't read the mail, he did and didn't say) - HUGE honor considering they don't invite you unless your GPA is high enough - and mine's 3.8 YAAAAY. He's proud of me (so he said) and frankly so am I.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Semi official

Not going back to work until at least the new year. Was told by Oc health today that a meeting needs to occur between my union, my manager, oc health and I before I can go back. And since the holidays are here the timinng is against me. Crappy thing is is that we're poor ATM and really needed the money of me starting back to work.

The only good part that came of this all is that I get to leave tomorrow to go home. I'm excited about it. Little tyke is OVERLY excited. She wants to go today but we have to wait until tomorrow when a vehicle is available.

Awesome about leaving tomorrow is that I'll be there for Saturday when mama is getting together with all her friends and having their christmas party - and these girls are SOOOOO much fun! Several of them are my "aunts" because I've known them since I was such a small child. I love these gals.

Hubby isn't going with me - he's only just started his new job so it's not like he has any vacation time accrued to be able to come with me. It's ok he's not coming, he'd be grumpy about celebrating the holiday anyway and who needs a grumpy goose around?!

A lot of good that did me

I had my "meeting" with the powers that "be" - not that it got my anywhere. Oc health agreed to the fri,sat,sun but not the evenings or nights. Said that days can be just like evenings or nights. I tend to disagree but when my union rep didn't bother to stand up for me, I didn't really have a leg to stand on. So now I need to get my Dr to write restrictions indicating that I can have increased rest periods. But the thing about this is that I won't get paid for these "rest periods" and what if I don't need them, how are they going to know I took them? I hate day shifts, and of course the guy who runs Oc health says that he would prefer to have me work days so that they can "overlook" me - well I'd be working weekends and so it's not like all the management ppl would be around so what does it matter?! Doesn't sound logical to me! Why so much politics, just so that I can go to work?! Do what I was trained and registered to do?!

I had the meeting early Tues morning and haven't heard back when my first day would be. I'm going to call in the AM because if I am not going to start this weekend, I would rather spend the time heading north to spend Christmas with my family. Oh how I want to go home. I miss my friend and family. I want to see my mum. I know that we don't always see eye to eye but she's my mum and I feel comfortable when I'm in my family home, having family dinners with plenty of sharing. And my mom decorates for Christmas so wonderfully - Oh the sights. It makes me smile and makes me sad at the same time. I miss the sights. I dislike that I can't celebrate something that I celebrated since I was born. In this family they believe that anything of another religion is terrible and therefore shouldn't be celebrated. More specifically that celebrating one prophets birth/death more so than another is blasphemy. But Christmas is not religious in my family. It's about spending time together, giving gifts and enjoying the sights when they open them. It's a day where everyone is happy. It's something that I love, I enjoy it and I miss it terribly.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

A big week coming

This week is kinda big in my life. This week I have a meeting with the surgeon who will determine if I get to go back to work and if I get to have the weekend shifts that I feel I need.

Then I have a meeting with Oc health, my manager and my union rep to determine WHEN I can go back to work. Goodness I hope it's soon!

These two things will determine WHEN I get to go home for Christmas - one things that this family will NOT let me celebrate here - so I REALLY REALLY want to go home. Plus my two brothers are shit heads and tend to spend more time with their wife's side of the family and therefore if if I didn't go home, then my mama would be left alone (and her hubby is a bigger shit head and doesn't know how to celebrate properly and always inevitably screws up the celebration) so there's just me to help her celebrate christmas.

Plus little tyke LOVES all the lights of christmas and keeps enquiring WHEN christmas is going to be. She doesn't understand why exactly we don't celebrate in this household and it's next to impossible to tell a 4 yr old and have her truely understand. So I'm happy that we get to go up to mom's house and celebrate all the awesomeness that goes along with the holidays. If only Eid was celebrated in the same manner, then maybe her and I would be excited about it as well.

Friday, December 13, 2013

Semester One down - successfully

I ended my first semester with a 3.84 GPA - holy crap does that excite me!

When I started this semester I was insanely worried about whether I would even make it through it, let alone successfully. I mean, I know that I'm intelligent but I always worry about whether it would translate enough.

I enjoyed this semester but I don't feel as though I learned very much. I thoroughly enjoy the ppl I met (though not in person) through the one course that encouraged contact.

So now that I've successfully completed this semester I get the chance to move on to the next semester. The course is mental health so this should be interesting because it's the one course that I'm not looking forward to. It's the one course that I struggle with - how do nurses go on to ask ppl "do you hear voices" "are you planning on killing yourself" "how are you planning to kill yourself" - it's just NOT in my nature. I don't enjoy that, it's beyond me. If anyone has the answer please share it!

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Semester One DOWN... 7 more to go!

Did my last exam today, got 90% on it YAAAAAAAY... would have gotten 92% but I read one question wrong and realized it after I submitted it and this teacher doesn't let you go back to check over your answers so you really only get one shot. Plus her questions are EACH worth 2% - shitty IMO

Plus the way she sets up her course, you have to get 75% on your tests/quizzes (minimum) AND on your paper/clinical stuff. Then so long as you get over 75% on both then you factor them together and divide by 1/2 = your actual grade. So this can be tricky because if you fuck up a couple of times on your tests/quizzes then you are seriously screwed! Also, this program only allows you to do each course twice so you have to make sure you're careful or you're out! You can tell that this isn't necessarily easy since this class had DOUBLE the # of students as the other course I took = way harder course!!!

So me passing this course means that much more to me cuz obviously not everyone makes it through, only the strong ones.... which equals me!!!!!!

Now I get to go send off an email saying I want to register for some spring semester courses - YAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Ending of my first semester - EXAM TIME!!!!!!!!!

I have til the end of this week to complete my exams. I did my first one tonight.

I got 98%!!!!!!!! WOWZERS am I excited and proud. Couldn't have done it without my husband! This exam was all about pharmacology, there was very little gray area so I wasn't too worried about it, my OTHER exam I'm a tad more worried.

I'll take my second exam tomorrow (at least that's the plan!) Wish me luck!

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Finally a beacon of hope

In about October I was notified via email that the next course would be a psych course (already knew this but was reminded of it) and was told to begin the search to find a suitable placement. I believe I've said it before but it really irks me (maybe a tad more ;P) that I have to find my OWN placement as well as preceptor while the school sits back and does jack shit except do the clinical contract with the facility. Complete bullshit IMO. The old school that I was going to (for my LPN/RPN as well as my previous BSN) did this leg work for us (and was compensated IMO for this) which made life easier and certainly less stressful. This was something that I asked before committing myself to this school because I don't think it should be my responsibility to do this.

So for this semester my hubby thought to find a list of ALL the NPs and so I began calling them ALL - EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM!!! And was told that if I didn't find a preceptor in that two week period of time that I would have to abandon that course! So off I went asking whether they would be willing to "oversee" a basic review of assessments that I would do in front of them. Only ONE off a list of probably 30-40 ppl said yes. And OMG am I thankful to this person!!! Told her everytime I saw her! I was certainly stressed out and certainly worried that I would have to postpone starting my core nursing courses because of this stupid thing that I was told by the university to wait on until I was officially "IN" the course. It's complete bullshit IMO and I should have been advised of this.

Now getting back to October... I procrastinated on finding a suitable placement and figured that the school would do ANY of the leg work. Now it's December and I come to find that the school basically did jack shit in terms of helping me. A couple of days ago hubby wanted me to start doing the same thing as before but now focusing on calling the "key" people in the hospitals who would enable me to have a pysch rotation in the hospital. Focused on big hospitals and then I decided to broaden my search to smaller ones. Then hubby had an epiphany that it would be smart to check out the psychiatric nurses' association. I figured it couldn't hurt anything and off we went calling them. They instructed us on how to find the local chapter ppl and then we went off googling these people to see about contacting them directly to see if I could network with them to find a placement. Hell these people wouldn't be part of this association if they weren't somehow involved in psychiatry right?!

Next day I called up a couple of people and happened upon one lady who said that so long as I was allowed to do it at an out-pt clinic or in ppl's homes then she could help me. YAAAAYYYYYYYYYY OMG I was eccstatic. The relief was immense let me tell you!

Now I'm trying to convince hubby to register for next semester's courses. He doesn't seem overly keen on this idea though (not sure of the exact reasoning seeing as he told me that once I secured a placement then we would register being that we'd been in this sort of predicament already right).

So I started the paperwork with the uni to get the contract going so that in January I can start my placement hours. The good thing (though weird) is that for that course it only requires FORTY hours. Crazy low amount, very shocking to me and to the lady I spoke with. I don't really care so long as I get the hours in.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

No news is good news right? Not in my life!

Been gone for a couple days, you would think that things MIGHT have actually have gotten better right?! ya not so much. Been informed by Oc health that they don't believe what my GP has to say and is just going along with what I tell him to - though this is true, he also sees merit in what I say - it's not like I'm a layman over here I'm a god damn nurse. I wanted to tell these two to shove their shit up their ass but I know that won't get me very far. I just want to go back to work. It shouldn't be soooooooo difficult. FUCKING PEOPLE!!!!!!! Now I have to get my surgeon (who works at the same fucking hospital as these nit wits) to write the same bullshit (and he will!) as my GP cuz heaven fucking forbid they believe the doctor they asked to clarify with!!! Now I have to get someone else to do it cuz I guess my GP isn't credible enough. UGH!!!

Still haven't found my dog. Makes me want to cry every time I look out my window or see her leash. UGH

Then there's the whole bullshit with this shit hole I live in. Yesterday I was minding my own goddamn business watching the show "Mom" (HILARIOUS btw) with headphones on cuz I wouldn't want to disturb my FIL watching (more reading since the volume wasn't even on) and low and behold I laugh my ass off. Really did, true shit - fucking rolled a gut (episode 11 with the cat - OMG funny) and was told to shut up - told my FIL in no uncertain terms that I was not going to. Then another funny bit comes on and I bust a gut again this time louder. Not of course this did NOT go over well with him so he calls me a "fucking bitch" - in front of my husband as well. Ya muther F**er could kiss my ass since I wasn't doing ANYTHING to deserve this in the remotest sense. Hubby diddn't take it too kindly either and then the arguement went to Urdu.... ya not the language I understand much but I certainly understood that hubby was taking MY side and didn't take too kindly to his wife being disrespected like this. Ya we left the house.... spent the night in a motel. Hubby being laid off and me not working = not enough money to rent our own place since we won't have first & last month's rent... not for several weeks. Which means several weeks of putting up with these stupid people whom I hate more than I actually like. UGGGGGGGGGhhhhhhhhhhhh